Hopes For 10 Years Time.

I always hated the questions ‘What do you want to do in 10 years time?’ and ‘Where do you see yourself in the near future?’ because honestly? Who knows for definite?! When I was younger I wanted to be a forensic scientist, an anthropologist, a writer, a dancing doctor (don’t ask), an actress, a director, producer, TV personality – the list goes on for forever. My life changed, I developed interests and ideas that I wouldn’t have thought I’d be lingering on months before. So when people ask me now, what do I want to do in 10 years time? My answers are simple. They’re purely goals I’d like to achieve, but no biggie if I don’t get there. I’m sure another goal will pop up sooner or later. But for now, these are some of my hopes and aspirations for the next 10 years.

To become a supervisor at Lush.

I know, I might not be with Lush at all come 10 years time. But I have an incredible passion and love for the company. And as much as I love my job and serving customers, and really getting to know the people who walk through our doors, I want to give more. I want to put my enthusiasm and love out there to help inspire and train others. I’d love to give something back to my team, to help my store achieve goals like never before. It might not have been the job for me when I applied a few weeks ago, but it’s certainly something I believe I am capable of. So I will strive to achieve this goal. And if it happens, it happens, if not, I’m sure something just as awesome will come along.

To own more animals. 

I adore animals more than anything in life. I grew up with four cats who I loved dearly. To be without animals around the house after they passed away was hard and uncomfortable for me. I just wanted to be around animals. Then years later, my dad got Darcie, our baby pug. She was everything I’ve ever wanted in life. She was a little ball of pure sunshine and chaos. She doesn’t live with me though, so I don’t get to see her all the time, and I truly believe that animals calm you down, they ground you. And I really need that. So when my step dad finally caved and let me get my two hamster babies, Sam and Dean (yes, they really are called Sam and Dean), my heart swelled with joy. I fall in love with every animal that I see, and I really wish that in the future, I’ll be able to have more and that we can look after as many animals as we possibly can.

To finish university. 

So this one is a fairly odd one. At the moment, I hate university with a passion, as you could probably tell from my Life of Lil Update the other day. Since day 1, I’ve not enjoyed it like everyone else seems to be. I haven’t made any solid friends, or at least not many. I live at home, which is ideal for me and I don’t regret staying home at all. But it seems that a lot of people on my course, not so much the ones on the course I take, but the English side, they’re just so immature and expect everything to be like high school. And honey, I left high school for a reason. The course itself is utter bullshit. What made me want to start that particular course at that university isn’t what we’re doing, it never has been. It’s been a complete shambles from the beginning of this academic year and it’s destroyed my love and passion completely for media production and creating anything within the industry. It’s been hard to imagine what I could do with my life if I’m not going down the media route. What else am I good at than bossing people around and pointing a camera at something? There’s a course that stood out to me, a course that I feel that would benefit me and others if I took it. Psychology and Counselling. I love helping others, and I just want people like Chris to feel like they have someone around, who understands and empathise, and not to end up like Chris. Not to leave the heartache that Chris left behind. It feels right when I think about it. But what ever course I finish university with, I will be finishing university. At some point. I hope. Maybe.

To learn sign language. 

This is just an essential skill and a crucial part of communicating with others if they cannot hear. As I am partially deaf myself, this is something I’ve wanted to learn for such a long time. I hope that there will come a time and an opportunity for me to learn the basics of sign language, and to fulfil this life long goal. If I don’t achieve this within the next 10 years, then that’s not a bad thing, but I will do my best to seek out any opportunity for me to fulfil this goal.

Be happier with life. 

Having cyclothymia makes me go through periods of deep and dark depression, but also manic and electric times where I feel like I’m an invincible whirlwind. Something that I’ve started doing in recent years is accepting my illness, and myself. And I found out that by doing that, I’ve become happier with my life. There are days where I let emotions win, and I hate myself for what and who I am. There’s a long road ahead for me on this journey to becoming happier with life, and not just by accepting my illness, but there are countless other thing that I need to work on in order for me to truly accept life and be as happy as I’d like to be. This isn’t a goal I’ll restrict myself to a time limit, this is something that will have to be done gradually over time. I just hope that I’ll be a lot happier and comfortable with myself and my choices within the next 10 years.

To drive again. 

I stopped driving two years ago. My insides curl up whenever I think of driving. Which is completely insane because when I was younger, the only thing I wanted to do was hit 17, get my provisional license, get those driving lessons, pass my test, get my licence and drive forever. ‘What changed?’ I hear you ask. Well the answer is simple. A car crash killed 3 of my friends. Truly lovely, kind, generous kids were killed in a stupid car crash. I wasn’t there in the car, nor was I even near the accident. But I felt this huge sense of fear and dread every time I had to sit in a driver’s seat of a car. What if I kill someone? What if after all these years of fighting to stay alive, I end up killing myself? That cannot happen. I think one day, soon or in the future, I will get the confidence back to drive. I will drive safely and advocate safe driving. I just hope it’ll be sooner rather than later. But again, it’s a work in progress. It may happen in the next 10 years, or it might not. But I do hope it will be sooner than 10 years time.

To be in love. 

As cliché as it is, I don’t think I want to be alone forever. It’s something that’s never really been a part of my life, and maybe in the next 10 years someone will change that. I can’t say I’m great at the whole dating thing, and if I’m honest, I feel like a bitch every single time someone tries to talk to me and it’s plainly obvious that they just took a chance with me because ‘it could work out’. If all else fails in the love department, I’m just going to get more animals and live as a crazy dog lady with about 4 cats and 7 hamsters and 15 guinea pigs. Because who says you can’t buy love when you can buy animals? Didn’t think that one through did you?

To become a counsellor. 

Since I’ve been through hell and back with my mental health, being bullied, low self-esteem, anxiety and the works, I’ve ached to give back to others. I feel as a mental health advocate I could do so much more with my time to help others. Even if it’s just listening and making sure that people, even if it’s just one person, knows that I am out there and I am willing to help, and I care. That’s what I’d like to do within the next 10 years. It’s something I’ve constantly thought of, something I’ve constantly debated over doing. It’s something I will be doing. I’d really love to help others by becoming a counsellor. My life was practically saved by a counsellor called Pam. She was literally the best thing that happened to me during that dark time in my life. If I could do what Pam did for me, to at least one person, then that would make me feel incredible. I want to give back to organisations that have helped me along my very dark and twisted road in order for me to get to where I am today. If I could be someone’s Pam, then that’s good enough for me.

To act again. 

After being bullied I lost my confidence, and I ended up losing myself. I lost my love for life, my humour, my passion, my ability to even function. That’s around about the time I talked myself into thinking I wasn’t good enough to be an actress, even though it was something I’ve been good at from a young age. I let the bullied convince me I wasn’t worth the time or effort of other people, so why should I waste my time training and performing and acting when I’d only face the inevitable rejection? Well the more stable me now says ‘fuck you, I can do what I want’. I am going to get back into acting and maybe it’ll be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, or it might be just a hobby and a way of expressing myself occasionally. What have I got to lose, right?

To travel the world. 

You probably got the impression I’m itching to travel the world after my Travel Bucket List post. So I probably don’t need to explain myself too much on this one. I just want to go to as many places as I possibly can, experience as many things that is humanly possible, all while diving straight into new cultures and widening my knowledge about the world. What more could you want in life?

To read all the books 

I’ve got a book shelf bursting with books that I’ve yet to read. I’d love to be able to read every book I own within the next 10 years. This might seem like an impossible task, but I believe anything is possible. Plus, I’m an avid reader and this sounds like a challenge I will devour.

To help others. 

Helping others is a huge part of my life. I don’t brag about those I’ve helped and I don’t get satisfaction from letting people know that I’ve done good by someone. I feel that there isn’t enough love or hope left in the world, especially these days where fear is the predominant emotion in people’s every day lives. So to be able to help others, at a larger scale, that would be incredible. It’ll forever be something I strive to achieve throughout my life, so again, I won’t be restricting myself to a time limit for this goal. It’s just something nice and positive for me to focus on over the next 10 years.

To be alive. 

This might seem a bit morbid, but I’d really love to be alive come 10 years time. There came a time when I just didn’t want to be alive. I did everything I could to not be alive. But I’m better than I was before, even if I do have the odd raw feeling every now and then. There is that fear that I’ll some how slip, or something might send me tumbling back down into the darkest pits of hell again. But I’ll keep fighting, I won’t ever give up. I will be alive.

So those are my hopes for 10 years time! It’s nice to have goals and aspirations in life, but I like to focus on the now and what I can do right now to make things a little bit better, and to get me one step closer to my goals. My hopes that are listed above are things I will strive for every single day, just by taking life one day at a time. Let me know if you’ve got hopes for 10 years time! And until next time, have an awfully big adventure.blackbird-3


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s