Tinder Taught Me…

This is one app I swore I’d never get. Why would I get an app that is renowned for hook-ups and one-night-stands? I’m the kind of person that can’t do immediate intimacy, I have to get to know someone and to suss their intentions out first. Even then, I’m still not a huge fan of intimacy. But there came a time when an essay idea for university popped into my mind and downloading Tinder was the only way I’d be able to get the resources I needed to complete said essay. If you’re wondering, I set my essay question as ‘Do the current generation of young people rely solely on apps such as Tinder to find intimacy and security from others?’ – feel free to let me know what you think about that one!

For me now, Tinder is a great source of entertainment. Battling with those ‘fuck-boys’ and, just plain rude lads that can’t seem to understand what’s socially acceptable to say to people they’ve not met in person, it’s become a hobby to wind them up and to laugh at their stupidity. Don’t get me wrong, not every person I encounter on Tinder are idiots. Most are. But not all. Tinder has taught me quite a few things that I believe are quite valuable lessons. Things from how to be a decent person, to how to deal with the crazies, this is everything Tinder taught me.

1) It really is perfectly acceptable to say NO.

If you’re not into him/her as much as you thought you were going to be initially, then don’t be afraid to say no thanks. Especially if it gets creepy and you feel uncomfortable. This skill comes in handy in every aspect of life, ‘no’ isn’t a bad word. Don’t feel ashamed to use it.

2) A lot of men don’t take rejection well.

If saying no doesn’t work and he’s still persistent that you MUST like him, then he’s probably the type of guy to call you ‘fat’, ‘ugly’, ‘bitch’ or whatever other pathetic insults he can think of to try get back at you for not liking him. Don’t take it personally, people deal with rejection differently, as long as you’re not a dick to others, then I’m okay with it. Don’t let those undeserved egos get you down.

3) Needy comes off as creepy. 

If you ask them what’s brought them to Tinder and they bring up an ex, cuddling, or call you ‘cute pet names’ that make you feel uncomfortable, just know it’s not just you that finds it creepy. Personally, it makes me cringe whenever someone brings up any of those points mentioned above within the first couple of messages. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to be dependant or independent, just don’t make someone else feel uncomfortable with the need to be liked. It can be overwhelming. And scary. Very scary.

4) Words can pain a thousand pictures.

The way he/she speaks to you can say a lot about them as a person. If they’re straight up gross and ask you for sex then they probably aren’t the ones to be talking to. Unless you’re into that. In that case, go for it! However, if you receive a message you’re not okay with, you don’t have to continue that conversation or even pursue that relationship. It’s up to you to see the picture those words are painting.

5) Being funny ALWAYS wins – as do dogs, dogs Always win!

Opening with a witty first liner is a great way to get a conversation going, and usually a really great way to make everyone feel at ease. Making someone laugh is probably an essential part of getting them to like you. However, if on the spot humour isn’t for you, just talk about your dog or their dog and all should be well. I mean, who doesn’t love dogs, right?!

6) You’ll learn how to deal with the Fuqbois of Tinder. 

Dealing with the fuqbois (of fuqgirlz) of Tinder actually comes in handy. Those awkward and sometimes nasty situations can give you thick skin and really prepare you for those face-to-face moments when/if you clash with a stranger over something in the future. Think of it as a practice to better your sass and come-back game. That’s how I went about it, and look at me now. A sass machine ready to explode.

7) Did you guys know, I’m a bitch?! 

The Tinder go-to insult is ‘YOU BITCH!’ and there is no rhyme nor reason behind it. I think people reckon it’s offensive to many others? However, they fail to realise that the insult they lob at you is really a reflection on themselves. And it shows you how in desperate need they are to widen their vocabulary and up their insult game. I would rather be known as a bitch, than someone who is gross, unsympathetic, and just a loser in general. Plus, I OWN THAT WORD, bitch.

8) ‘Hey! How’re you? 🙂 ‘
‘I’m good thanks, you? 🙂 ‘
‘I’m honry, let’s fuck 😉 ‘ 

Woah slow down there! This will be the type of conversation you’ll have at least 10000 times on Tinder. There’s no class behind it. No passion. No romance. Just desperation. You’ll probably have to deal with awkward situations in the real world, where someone thinks they’re Gods Gift to humanity and you’ll have to tell them to get lost. Of course, if you’re into that then, go for it! But remember how your messages come off, do you want to sound desperate or casual?

9) I am a joke to most guys on Tinder. 

As someone who is chunky yet funky, I am a joke to most guys on Tinder. They will talk to me, act sweet and then hit me with the punchline ‘did you really think I liked you?’ *cue uncontrollable laughter* Honestly? I didn’t think you liked me. I’m not that confident when it comes to guys, and I never will be. I’ll forever be seen as a joke, but that’s never going to put me down or stop me. It’s a reflection on their attitudes towards women and especially bigger women trying to find someone new to have in their lives. ‘Nevertheless, she persisted.’

10) My name isn’t Lily… 

So according to 99% of the guys I meet on Tinder, my name isn’t Lily. It’s Babe, Baby, Hun, Wifey, Boo, Princess, Beautiful, Sexy (that is a key give away when I’m going to be the focus in a cruel joke) etc. Even after asking people not to call me by any of those pet names, or send me a thousand xxxxxx’s at the end of every message, it still happens. I question why my parents even bothered naming me if guys are going to disregard my name and call me something I despise.

11) People are shallow.

We’re all guilty of being shallow to some degree. Some more than others. There’s no shame in having a type, and if you accidentally swipe right for someone you didn’t mean to, or your friends swipe right for EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR FEED then you just have to explain. Remember not to be offended by people’s decisions, thoughts or opinions. They don’t define you. You are you for a reason. And just because you’re not someone they want to see or sleep with, it doesn’t mean they don’t think you’re cool, you just might not be their type.

12) Personalities are a thing of the past.

Everyone these days has the same interests, ideas, travel plans, likes, dislikes and so on. No one really shows their personalities in their tinder profile. Sometimes not even when you start messaging them. Sometimes people will remake themselves so they please others. But honestly, just be yourself! Be you, everyone else is taken.

13) No one knows how to start a conversation. Ever. 

Conversation starters can be a hit or miss with some people. But honestly, no one really knows how to start a great conversation. If you feel awkward to start with, they probably do too. Just be kind, patient and see how things go. Unless they creep you out or make you feel uncomfortable straight up, then unmatch straight away.

14) Cyberpersonalities are real. 

This is something not many people believe, but trust me on this, some people really do have cyberpersonalities. AKA personalities that are reserved only for online purposes. So if someone is harassing you, sending you inappropriate messages, making you feel uncomfortable, then just take a step back before reacting and remember they’d never say this to you in person. Use that opportunity to think of what you would say in response to those messages in person and then rip them to shreds.

HOWEVER! Cyberpersonalities can also be sweet. Some people find more confidence and comfort through talking online first. So always bear that in mind if you think someone’s acting a bit off. We’ve all been shy in one situation or another, just don’t be a dick.

15) Tinder gives you a chance to meet rad people. 

Not everything to do with Tinder or ‘online dating’ / ‘dating apps’ is bad. A huge plus is you get to meet some really cool people who live not too far from you. Friendships can occur from just a random right swipe and that’s pretty awesome to me. I had a friend from Tinder and he was the sweetest guy! Sadly we lost contact, but it was really nice while the friendship lasted. Also, people do find relationships via Tinder, so if it doesn’t work for you, don’t knock it. I live by the saying ‘good for you, not for me’ – if it’s good for them, then great! But if it’s not for me, then it’s cool, I’m not going to be a dick about things.

16) Don’t take Tinder or life seriously. 

Some people who use Tinder are trolls and they aim to get a reaction from you. But don’t take it seriously, they aren’t. A lot of people wouldn’t dare dream say half the things they do say on there, in person, so why take those silly meaningless words to heart? If you’re looking for a source of entertainment and a giggle then Tinder is definitely the place to go. I think it’s hilarious some of the things I see on there. Never take anything too seriously if anyone tries to insult you. You’re so much better than petty insults.

17) Tinder helps with confidence. 

This is very true. Tinder provides that sometimes much-needed space for a shy or introverted person to make the first move without that stress or awkwardness surrounding it. The more you use Tinder, the more you’ll see how people interact on there and you’ll soon discover what you like to hear/ say when flirting. Sometimes you do need space when talking to someone new for the first time, and the internet is perfect for giving you that space. Use it wisely and responsibly and you’ll be alright. I’ve never been great with guys, but since having Tinder, at least I’m not afraid to admit to being in love with Panic! At The Disco’s front man Brendan Urie anymore.

18) There’s no experience like Tinder. 

Need I explain anymore? Tinder is a social world of its own and there is only one way to experience anything like it, and that’s by downloading Tinder. It can be fun, weird, creepy, but it can also be really cool and really great. There will of course be pros and cons to everything you try, Tinder is no exception. Enjoy the experience and learn from it. Even if it’s really random lessons like the ones I’ve learnt. I’m sure you could learn a thing or two from Tinder.

Well there you have it! Those are some of the lessons Tinder taught me. I guess we could all learn a little something from our experiences from Tinder or any other dating app/ site. Please remember to stay safe online and don’t give out personal information if you don’t want to meet this person in real life. If you do meet anyone offline then please take a friend or someone you trust with you, even if they just sit a few tables away sipping coffee, it’s better than nothing. If you want to talk to me about anything, or you’re concerned about things on Tinder, then please do reach out to me on my social media and I’ll do my best to help and support you and guide you in the right direction if further help is needed.

I’ll stop being the serious motherly figure right here… Anyways! Have you guys learn anything from Tinder? If you have let me know in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you. If you have any Tinder tips, feel free to drop those down below as well! Until next time, have an awfully big adventure for me.

blackbird-3

2 Comments Add yours

  1. What a great post! And so relatable. After I broke up with my ex, it didn’t take me long to download Tinder. I’d been so fascinated by it, and finally I was allowed to play!
    It will never cease to amaze me the kind of things that get said on there. I started talking to a couple of guys recently, and within 20 minutes both of them had given me their address! It was around midnight! Do these people seriously expect you to go round to a strangers house in the middle of the night? It’s crazy!

    Like

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