You’re probably thinking, ‘Lil, hun, the answer is literally in the question’. For some people, it gets hard to remember why it is important to cut toxic people from your life. You can feel anything from guilt, shame, sadness, regret to pure and utter fear when you’re moving towards a decision to cut someone who has a rather negative impact on your life. Be it a so-called best-friend, a partner, a family member or just someone you have to deal with every day.
My main gal, Jazz, who I’m so sure you know by now, has actually written a piece on her experience with cutting out someone who was so very important to her, but unfortunately was toxic. I remember Jazz going through this and it was almost as though her ‘friend’ had passed away. It was very hard to see her struggle with herself on whether or not it was enough for her to be able to cut out this person from her life. I won’t go into too much detail, you can find Jazz’s experience on her blog here.
So, with this in mind. Here are a few tips you guys have suggested that help when you’re cutting toxic people from your life, and a reminder as to why it’s important to put yourself first in situations like this.
- Know when your relationship/ friendship is toxic.
There’s nothing worse than having an argument with one of your friends or even your partner. But does that mean the relationship is toxic? 9 times out of 10, it’s just anger and frustration talking when arguments such as these happen. So, it’s important to identify whether or not the relationship you have with the person is toxic.
What are the signs I hear you say? Well, let me just list a few for you.
- They discredit you. They plant seeds of doubt in your mind about yourself and others.
- They lack empathy. They just see how you can help them and take what benefits them.
- They use your personality and emotions against you just like a bully does, but they’ll tell you they’re doing it because they love you and want you to get stronger.
- They manipulate you/ others to get what they want.
- They live for the drama.
- They’ll gossip without knowing the full picture.
- They make you feel bad about yourself and the things you love.
By knowing when the relationship is toxic, you’ve started respecting yourself more and realising you don’t need people like that in your life.
- Reduce what you see from them.
Many people try to reduce what they see from the person they’re trying to cut out on social media. If the person you’re trying to cut out is a social media obsessive, chances are you’ll see their posts every time you scroll through your timeline or newsfeed. Reducing the amount you see from them online helps with the process of cutting them from your life.
With Facebook, Twitter and Instagram ever-evolving, you can now hit ‘snooze’ and not see or hear from that person for 30 magical days! And in those days you can really determine if your life is better with them gone completely, or if maybe it’s time to hit the ‘unfriend’ or ‘unfollow’ button rather than go straight to ‘block’.
- Rise above it.
As easy as it sounds, it’s sometimes very hard to not end the relationship or friendship without some sort of penultimate ending…. basically ending it with a bang. That’s something toxic people thrive off of. If you make a big deal out of it, that’s really what they want, to them it really validates their criticisms of you.
I really appreciate knowing that I’m not the only one that feels like I have to make amends if I feel like by putting myself first, I’ve upset someone else. If you do that then it just makes you want to go make things right, and by doing this, dragging the process along. Say what you need to say, but leave with a peace of mind so that tie can be cut forever. Just because they hurt you doesn’t mean you have to be equally as cruel back. Be kind, be thoughtful, be free and cut those people from your life with grace and elegance.
If you need anymore motive for cutting a toxic person from your life, then I’ll leave you with this thought; everyone deserves to be happy. I mean, truly, truly happy. Not just pretending for the benefit of others or worrying if you’re unhappy you’ll upset someone. You deserve to be happy and if this person is getting in the way of your happiness and self-growth, cut them loose. If it doesn’t add to your life, it doesn’t belong in your life.
I hope you guys are staying safe and looking after one another this week! It always pays to be kind, thoughtful and caring towards other human beings. If you guys have checked out Jazz’ post then please let me know in the comments below! And if you’ve got any other advice on this matter, please do share them. Have an awfully big adventure, Lost Kids. Until next time!