It will come as no surprise to read that I have once again become MIA in recent months. I’ve been debating with myself on whether or not to close this page down for a while as I’ve not had the time to set aside and write blog posts, do the prep work for said blog posts, research and so on. But something pretty awesome happened recently and that’s the reason I’m writing this now.
So I was in work a few days ago and a really lovely girl named Ashley (I think her name was Ashley, and I’m very sorry if it’s not! I’m terrible with names!) approached me and asked if I had a Twitter handle that involved something with ‘Lost Girl’ in it – I explained I did and that I had a blog with the same name (and here’s the awesome part), to which she responded with ‘I read your blog all the time! You’ve not updated for a while now, how come you’ve stopped, is everything okay?’, So not only did this girl recognise me from my blog, she also made me answer a question I’ve not even been able to answer for a long time.
I began by saying about how little time I had now that I work two jobs (I’m back at Lush! Loving life!) and that after spending 5/6 days working all I want to do on my days off is to sleep. But that’s not really an excuse, is it? If you love something, or have a passion for it, you have to work on it. Why did I lose my passion for writing? What happened? The simple answer is, I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to do anymore. Do I pursue a career as an actress? Do I write? Write blog posts or poetry? Or novels or stories? Do I go back to having a normal day-to-day job? I don’t know. But It makes me sad that I’ve not been able to write because of my own doubts. It makes me sad that I’ve not acted for a while because of my lack of confidence in my abilities and finding the right opportunities . It makes me sad that a normal day-to-day job makes me feel nervous and claustrophobic.
So, since meeting this girl at work, I’ve been thinking about everything and trying to sort out how I feel and what I can realistically do with my life. Living a normal, basic life was never going to be a ‘me’ thing. I’ve always had big dreams. I’ve always aimed big. Go big or go home is a motto I’ve tried to follow since forever. I guess, I’ve made my mind up on one thing. An office job is just not for me.
I realise I’ve not answered the main question of this entire post. Where have I been? I’ve been around. I’ve gone back to my roots, back to Lush. I’ve pushed for a better life than what my bipolar wants to give me. I’ve been ill and stuck in bed for some of the time. I’ve been to concerts, met incredible people, cried, binge watched Netflix, argued, became the peacemaker, stood up as a first aider. But most of all, I’ve taken time to breathe. So that’s where I’ve been. You might have seen me doing these things, met me on my way, heck, you might have even been me at some point. I know one thing is for sure, my blog isn’t the be all and end all of life.
Some bloggers upload once/ twice a week. Some once/ twice a month. The same day, every week/month at the same time, just like clockwork. And dudes, that’s not something I can do. It’s not something I think many people can do unless they have heaps of time to do the prep time. I’m not going to compare myself to other people who have the time to work continuously on their blog. I’m going to treat this page, my blog, as a diary. And if you guys want to know what I’m getting up to, if you want to know what my likes, dislikes, thoughts and opinions are – you are welcome to follow me on this awfully big adventure. I hope you’ll bear with me while I get back into the swing of things. And I hope this didn’t just sound like some sort of crazy rant about literally nothing at all (even though that’s probably exactly what this is).
I can tell you for definite that I will be posting my writing/acting work here as often as I can. If you like what you read, please let me know! Seeing as the holidays are coming, if anyone would like a personalised story, poem etc for a loved one, or even just for them, I’ll be opening my inbox for any and all requests for such things.
Thanks Lost Kids, I appreciate your kindness, patiences and support. Always.